Growing up, I knew two things very quickly. Both by the age of eight.
No.1 – I was predominantly attracted to men.
No. 2 – I was born in the wrong gender.
I grew up in a religious, oppressive and deeply homophobic family, so I set aside such notions.
I was what was termed then “an effeminate homosexual.” I have spent countless years adapting myself to the approved of narrative. My voice naturally tends to lisp but even today, I make sure no one hears it. Same with my demeanour. ‘Manly’ all the way.
I was dressing up from the age of 5, putting on make-up and tucking ‘it’ between my legs, as it was an unwelcome add-on. It still is. It’s of no use to me at all, outside of bladder release and bathing.
Fast forward to now and I’m going into my 4th week in hospital, with acute pacreatitis. I am told that I could still die. I have lost 20kgs. I am now diabetic and my eyesight is no longer good.
I put my life on hold because of what others might have thought and felt. I should have had surgery, I should have lived my truth. I didn’t and I bitterly regret that.
The transgender feelings are still there, as is my sexual desire for men.
Please anyone reading this. Do not waste a single second. Be you, stay true and go out and live your life the way you need to, where it is safe to do so.
I send love and blessings to you all.
Nature Music Art 